I Am Afraid

        Out of all the commercials, the ones that stick with me the most are the recall commercials recalling drugs. The warning commercials saying "If you used......" or "If you worked.......you may have been exposed to....." or "If you received....." also stick in my head. I feel as if nothing is safe anymore. Anywhere you go, anything you use, anything you receive could be on one of those commercials next. Worse, you could be one of the victims that forced them into airing that commercial!!!! It is terrifying. 
      I am 17 years old and I take a lot of meds for various things. Zoloft and Wellbutrin for anxiety and depression, Vyvance for ADHD, Claritin and a nasal spray (I forget the name) for allergies as well as the occasional Mucinex and benadryl. I also take ritalin at night if I have something going on like a dance recital where I need a little boost of concentration. Compared to some kids those medicines may not be a lot but that doesn't mean that it isn't a lot in general. Several of those medicines are also high doses such as the Wellbutrin and Zoloft. So, I am on a lot of medicines; Why should this bother me?
     No one knows what happens to people on these drugs 30 or 60 years from now. Some of those drugs such as Vyvanse have only been around for a few years. There are no adults who have used it as teens or since childhood so those of us on it now are essentially guinea pigs or lab rats, which ever you prefer. The doctors and scientists don't know what will happen to us 30 years from now as a result of using these drugs. We could end up with cancer or some new disease. Maybe we will die or have a brain problem like Alzheimer's.  THEY DO NOT KNOW! This is why I am afraid, because the medicines that are allowing me to function in this crazy world today could kill me tomorrow. I can't just stop taking them because I cannot function in this society without them. I would fail school, maybe go to jail or hurt people I love. How I was before medicines is a person I never want to be again. It is a person I cannot survive being again. If society was more flexible and could work with people like me and accept them then I would need these drugs but, that is a story for another day. 
       I don't want to be one of those people they are talking to on one of those commercials. I do not want to be in a hospital with some disease because I used a drug the doctors said was perfectly safe when I was a teenager. The possibility of being a victim is terrifying. Men and women used to work in ship yards that were supposedly safe and ended up with asbestos poisoning. Others were prescribed something after a surgery that just made them worse or maybe even killed them. What does the government offer these people? Money! Money can't fix the consequences of what they received or were exposed to! Sometimes they have to offer the money to the family because the person died from the consequences!! That family is still going to have to deal with anger and confusion and pain. The government can make them billionaires but that won't fix what happened. The money will be spent on the funeral costs, therapy, paying the loved ones unpaid bills and debts, bailing each other out of jail when the confusion and hurt drives them to punch a guy. 
      There are only two choices. 1. Risk being a victim and take the drugs to get through the present even though the consequence could be you never see the future. But, at least you were able to play by the rules get through school, make and keep friends, and be who society wants you to be. 2. Don't take the drugs and risk having no friends, failing or doing poorly in school, ending up in jail for an accident because you need those meds, hating yourself, and being completely rejected by society. At least you will see the future but your future may consist of killing yourself because it is too hard to try to live like this when society is rejecting you and fighting you and no one will help you or even just love you for you. 
     Some people have problems that do not require medicine but the medicine could just make things easier. Others need those medicines. And what happens when you lose your job and your health insurance with it. You won't get the meds you need but again that is a story for another day. My point in writing this is to express my fears and perhaps the fears of many others. My other intention was to show how the choices are limited and there is no correct answer. I've heard people who do things that could kill them say "Well you are going to die sometime." People who smoke  pot or other drugs that produce a high sometimes use the phrase "Everyone dies eventually might as well die high" So should we say that since we all die eventually we might as well die for using the meds that are supposed to make our lives better? Think about it and tell me what you finally decide.
I Am Afraid by Kaitlin Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.