Unknown

I never decided if I believe in fate
Or if what I feel warns of what awaits
If dreams have links to reality
If there is such a thing as destiny
I never decided on a God to love
Or if I believe in heaven above
If ghost exist by humans side
If life exists after ones died
I never decided if freedom is achievable
Or if evil is defeatable
If man can tell truth from lie
If one can ever honorably die.





Unknown by Michelle Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

I Envy

I envy those who enjoy the flower-simply because the flower exists
I envy those who can breathe-without a thought in their head
I envy those who can sleep-but never know a dream
I envy those who rise each day-unable to remember the past
I envy those who care not at all-for the passing stranger
I envy those who are too ignorant-to form their own thoughts
I envy those who believe the surface-is all that there is
because they can see nothing beyond it
I envy those who close their eyes and never fear the dark
because they can not imagine there are things they cannot see
I think it must be far better to live that way
- to enjoy the flower for it's existence-nothing more




Envy by Michelle Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

You Will Never Be Free From Pain

The grass is never greener
There is no other side
This pain is never ending
Freedom will forever be denied

New Features!

I added five new features to the blog! The first new feature added is a requests tab at the top of the page. There is also a tab at the top "About License" which explains the licenses you see at the bottom of the posts and what rights they cover. A third new feature is an "About My Poems" which explains a bit more about my poems.
The fourth added feature is on the left sidebar where it says "Get Notifications Of New Posts By Email" which if you put your email in, you will get notified whenever there is a new post.
The fifth feature below that is a share option to share via facebook or twitter.

Beneath The Willow Tree

Needs to be edited really bad. Typed this up years ago but wrist hurting too much to edit right now.


the two sat down under a willow tree. dew soaked grass tickled their bare feet. the moon shone dressing the lake before them with sparkles.
"i have something for you" andrew said to the the girl, ali, whom he carressed in his arms. his hand dug into his pocket pulling out a small envelope. he gently opened the girls hand and placed the envelope in her palm. she took it and with careful fingers openeing it and deftly pulled out a piece of paper. thin fingers unfolded the paper and dull green eyes read the words.
"i love you so much. i want to be more than friends. you dont have to be afraid of me finding out your secrets. know what you do to yourself.everytime i hug you i feel your bones. ive seen you stumble with dizziness. ive seen you min the gym running for hours and weighing yourself. dont think i havent noticed the scars where you stuck a needle in your vein or the scars on your arms how you keep your arms covered. i love you. im afraid if i waited any longer to say so you would be gone. i want the chance to love you before you join the angels with god in heaven. tell me you love me to"
ali looked up into his eyes with tears in her own shimmering in the moonlight. "i do love you." she wraps her thin scarred arms around him and he wraps his arms lovingly around her. under the willow tree in the middle of the night by a glistening lake the two heald eachother. after awhile he lifted off her shirt starring at her ribs. he ran his fingers over them. he gently brushed his lips over the scars on her arms. his fingers gently pulled off her lose pants. andrew then pulled off his jeans and the two made love that night
　
when andrew woke up the next morning the body next to his was cold and the girls lungs hardly drew in any air. he rolled over to look at her fearful she was joining the angels. thunder rolled. dark clouds had gathered while the two had slept. he felt her for a pulse. it was hardly existant. he picked her up pulled on his shoes and ran. the rain began to pour but he just kept running whispering into her ear"hang in there ali. dont go to the angels yet..please dont go..i love you." he kept running. soaking wet he burst through the doors of the hospitals emergency room. a doctor rushed over and took the girl from his hands. nurses stripped her of the wet clothing and rolled her into a room. several doctors and nurses rushed in. one closed the blinds so andrew could not see what was going on. he went to the lobby and called ali's parents then his own. about an hour later they arrived but there was still no news of how she was. adrew sat there figeting feeling his dreams slipping away. the wedding, a family, old age with this one girl. finaly a nurse came over. she told ali's parents everything. needless to say they were shocked. neither of them had realized the hell their daughter had been living in. andrew walked over.
"how is she? will she live?" he questioned the nurse cautiousiously afraid of her answer.
the nurse nodded."she will live but her condition is criticle. we have machines doing most of the things her body is supposed to be doing. her heart is very weak. her organs arent functioning right. we had to put her on a feeding tube to. she is in the icu. we will transfer her to the psyc ward later. you may see her now if you like. the parents and andrew nodded to the nurse amd followed her to the ICU.
the ICU was not to full. nurses at desks were watching the few patients very closely. ali's parents went it first. 20 minutes later the returned and told andrew he could go in. he shook himself abit and took a deep breath afraid of what he might find. he stepped in. standing just inside the door his eyes me those of a girl he loved more than anything. for a moment he just took it all in. the machines and monitors and IVs hooked up to her frail body. the blankets hardly raised off the bed by her body. her arms wrapped in white dressings to cover recent cuts she had never bothered to bandage. an untouched plate of food on the tray/table. his eyes stopped there for a moment as the sight of the plate gave him a small pain in his heart. a tear fell from his eyes and he rushed pver to ali about to give her a big hug but suddenly stopped. he was almost afriad to touch her as if one touch would break her. then he saw the tears rolling down her cheeks and he pulled her gently into his arms. she cried soaking andrews shirt with her tears. after several minutes of sobbing she pulled away. he excused himseld andleft the room. aproaching the nurses desk he got a ladies attention.
"do you need soemthing sir?"
"could you take the feeding tube out of her. she will eat on her own.. i promise..just have some warm food brought up please."
the nurse thought for a moment and then nodded. she went in the room and removed the tube. andrew returned to alis' bed holding her hand till a new plate of food was brought. she looked up at him. he thought he saw a bit of anger and fear in her face but he tried to ignore it. he wasnt betraying her he was helping her. she would see it he told himself. he pulled the tray over. his fingers picked up a fork and stabbed a piece of chicken with it.
"its not your time to join the angels yet. i want you to eat. what you are is not beautiful or healthy. i want to see you smile again. i want you to marry me ali!i want to spend my life with you!"andrew cried and looked away. weh he looked back at her she was crying to. he set down the fork and held her close.
she whispered weakly"i love you to. i want to marry you to"
andrew picked the fork up and held it to her lips
"if you want to be with me you have to eat so you can live."
a moment of hesitation and then her lips closed around the food. she ate. andrew smiled with joy and cried with reliefe. he hugged her tight as he dared to."im so proud of you ali!"
3 years later the two got married. ali was beautiful again. the two began a family. ali still suffered from health problems and she still cut sometimes. there were still days when she struggled with food and eating. she remained pretty thin but not severely. the two were married for fourting nine years. at sixty eight after battling many health problems and bouts of sickness ali passed away from an illness one morning before waking up. she died under the willow tree. somehow they just knew her time was up. andrew had carried her out to the lake under the willow tree and covered her with blankets and they had stayed there all night. by the morning she was dead. she didnt get to be very old. andrew was never quite the same afterwards. he stayed away from most of his family and kept to himself. he spend hours by her gravestone talking to her. on alis gravestone he carved "my love. she is with the angels now in the palace of god." anytime someone asked where his wife was he told them she was with the angels.
by 83 andrew was sick. after alis death his health had gotten worse. by 78 his family placed him in a care center. he mostly stared out the window or wrote about his love. when he turned 83 andrew was very sick. a few days later he felt like his time was ending. he left the care center and spent the night by ali where she was burried under the willow tree. that is where he died. his children were with him the whole night. his last words to them were "children your mom and i are with the angels. i am going to be with the angels my angel my love my ali" and in heaven the met once again. they kissed carresing eachother in gods palace the two lived forever.

Beneath The Willow Tree by Michelle Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

I'm Not Crazy

Elise laid on the bed staring at the ceiling, like nearly everything else it was painted white."I'm not crazy" she told herself. A nurse walked in with a tray.
"Honey, med time." The woman handed Elise her pills who swallowed them obediently or so it seemed. When the nurse left she pulled them out from under her tongue."I'm not crazy." She stuffed the pills inside a crack in the floor. She laid back down and buried her face in her pillow."I'm not crazy. I don't belong here. "I'm not a freak, I'm not insane as they tell me. I am angry, I was beaten, my innocence and purity was taken from me! Of course I'm angry." The tears came faster. "Of course I'm angry, Of course I'm lost. That's what makes me sane!" She whispered through her tears clenching the sheet in her fists."I'm not crazy, I'm not some freak." She looked down at her arms with scars and the crying ceased. No one understood her, She was all alone and she knew it, she wouldn't live like this. She was sick of the pills that made her feel like someone else, she was sick of the therapists pretending to care and asking question after question. She was sick of the nurses fake smiles, the doctors insisting she was crazy and something was wrong with her.. She looked at her arms then the sheet clenched in her fist then the white walls, white door and then back at the sheet. A pleased contented smile grew on her face.
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Name: Elise Mourbury. / Date of Death: May 5th, 1995. / Time of Death: Midnight A.M. Age: 15 /Cause of Death: Suicide by strangulation / Location of Death: Winston Peace Mental Home / Room: 305



Elise died on may 5th. A nurse found her with the sheet around her neck. They did everything they could to restart her heart and make her breath again but it was already to late. She was finally free of the earthen hell. At heavens gates she was welcome. Every smile was real. Ever act of caring was real. No one called her a freak. She wasn't trapped anymore. She wasn't crazy! And she said to herself "I told them I wasn't crazy. I knew I wasn't crazy. If they could see me now...they would know to...they would know to."

I'm Not Crazy by Kaitlin Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Beautiful Butterfly

So many colors
So proudly you wear
and yet
So peaceful
Beautiful Butterfly

Beautiful Butterfly by Kaitlin Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Ballerina

Bright lights

shining on the stage

eyes fixed

waiting watching

music begins

the figure moves

gracefully she moves

spins and turns

leaps and steps

across the stage

swift graceful movements

then

suddenly she falls

the crowd gasps

her ankle sprained

but up she rises

and continues on

smiling without a trace

of the pain

she must be in

on she goes

till the music stops

her performance over

she exits the stage

the crowd

applauds

goes wild

they cheer for her

the dancing girl

she returns limping\leaning on a friend

to take her bow

and leave

Ballerina by Michelle Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Where is Hope

Where is hope

The thing ive lost

For seems I cannot find

O please lead me

I beg of you

To this thing I need called hope

Is it in the farmers fields

Or in the servants soap

Can I find it in my mind

Or in the past left behind

This thing I need called hope

Does it come in newborn life

Or with the gentle pope

Is it found in celebration

Or in all of gods creation

This thing I need called hope

O where, where be hope

The thing I lost

For seems I cannot find

O please lead me

I beg of you

To this thing I need called hope

But alas oh joy!

It seems I have found

Twas nowhere I had guessed

But it was inside of me

Ah rejoice, rejoice

For I have found

This thing I need called hope

Where is Hope by Michelle Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Love

The original version of Love  I wrote in 2008/2009


Too many lies
Too much confusion
Love is a mistake
We all continue to make
It pulls us in
Then spits us out
It's not worth the pain
Or tears falling like rain



Love (2008/2009) by Kaitlin Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.


The new version of Love written it 2013


Love contains lies
Confusion and pain
Sometimes it hurts
And tears fall like rain

But sometimes it's lovely
Joyful and fun
Sometimes it's exciting
And gives life like the sun

Love (2013) by Kaitlin Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Reflection

I look in the mirror
with a expression of disgust
at the thing i see
staring back at me
ugly and fat
thighs so huge
eyes so strange
a crooked nose
and ugly in shape
a face thats round 
uncooperative hair
with no shine so plain
lips that just 
don't quite fit
calves with an
awkward shape
fingers short
scarred
pinky that's dis-formed
nails that are not pretty
hips that are two wide
red ears
green eyes
imperfect skin
arms covered in scars
feet that don't look right
ankles much to boney
with scabs from many cuts
fat all over my body
a rib cage to wide
a strange hourglass shape
nothing is right 
I look in the mirror
with a face of disgust
at the ugly thing i see
staring back taunting me
i hate everything
about how i look
why cant I
just be pretty
like everyone else
i just want to be
as pretty as you
as everyone else
instead of this ugly
thing that is me

Reflection by Kaitlin Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

I Remember

I shut my eyes and open my mind
And let the folded memories unwind
A past so real it needs no spark
To let it come rushing out of the dark
I remember a time when I used to cry
A time when I thought the world was a lie
I remember a time when I lived in denial
A time when I didn't know how to smile
I remember a man who made me scream
During every night and every dream
I remember the man who held me down
In a sea of tears he let me drown
But...
I remember that man is now behind bars
A place where he can't see the stars
I remember a day when the future was dim
But in that sea of tears I learned to swim
I remember that I see the world as true
I can smile at everyone and I do
I remember how I climbed out of the mud
How I beat the assault and cleared the blood
I shut my eyes and open my mind
And let the folded memories rewind
The candle of my past burnt to a spark
My past has now drifted into the dark

I Remember by Kaitlin Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Behind Locked Doors

she cries
from behind a locked door
where she lays
on the bathroom floor
in her outstreched hand
a pill bottle lies
she promises herself today
is the day she dies
she hugs her knees to her chest
as the high begins
but it cannot ease
all the pain shes in
she grabs the gun
her face soaked with teas
time to end the pain
and forget her fears
puts the gun to her chest
pulls the trigger fast
more tears trickle down
those tears were her last
she falls to the floor
bleding and dead
blood seeps under the door
and you know shes dead 

Behind Locked Doors by Kaitlin Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Realization Too Late

you carry me into the bathroom
stand me infront of the mirror
i try to turn away
but with tears in your eyes
you force me to look
you pull up my shirt
run your hands over my bones

pull my sleeves up
make me look at my wrist
blood running down
my arms to my fists
i stare at my reflection
so ugly and huge
standing next to you
whos so handsome and perfect
i'm to weak to stand
i fall in your arms
my visions getting blurry
its getting harder to breathe
the life i have left
is starting to leave

Realization Too Late by Kaitlin Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Again

Step on the scale again

Pray the numbers low
Pull out the measuring tape again
Pray for one inch less
Count the calories again
Pray you didn't eat to much
Turn the stereo up again
Pray for the horror to stop
Bend over the toilet again
Hope it all comes up
Exercise again and again
Work off one more pound
Stand before a mirror again
Wish you had tried a little more
Stare at your reflection again
Wish you could be pretty and thin
Fall on the bed again
You pay for beauty with tears
Hurt yourself again
Pray for it all to end
Stare into the sky again
Feel the pain you hide within
Throw the food away again
You want what you cant have
Hear the voice in your head again
Scream please go away
Send a prayer to god again
You're tired of living like this
Stare at a magazine again
You don't look like them
Step on the scale again
The numbers still the same
Lock the bathroom door again
Do what the voice tells you to
Kneel down on the floor again
You don't want to be fat anymore
Face down on your pillow again
You want this nightmare to end
Pull out the journal again
Calculate the days sins
Stare at the razor on the floor again
This war you will never win
Pick up the razor again
You will make it all end

Again by Kaitlin Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Missused (Version 3)

shes drowning in pain
wasting away
her heart has been slain
by the evil she knows
her skin is broken and bruised
from the hits she takes
a girl hurt and misused
questioning the value of life
shes so full of fear
of the man down the hall
she wonders why shes here
why god hates her so much
the price she pays for life
the rates are to high
so at night she takes a knife
and lets the life flow out
from the world shes hiding
she laughs and she smiles
but inside shes crying
the world will never see her pain
i see her everyday
in the hallways of school
holding tears at bay
with distant dark eyes
her bodys badly bruiesed
covered up by pretty cloths
she was being abused
but no one ever knew
one night she went home
to meet a drunken fist
her body was thrown
then he swore and he hit
shes not in school today
shell never come again
her life was taken away
by a man full of rage
now with angels she flies
no more pain in her life
no more tears in her eyes
her heart no longer cries
her skin is deadly cold
her bodys in the ground
her story will be told
the entire world will know
she was abused
she was ignored
she was misused
and now shes gone

Missused (Version 3) by Kaitlin Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Sick

cold and sick
shivers run down my spine
limbs ache attached
to weak feeble frame
a stampeed in my head
a storm in my throat
a rock on my chest
and needles in my back
im swallowing sandpaper
and my god! how it hurts!
how dry and tasteless
alas, i am sick
oh so miserable and sick

Sick by Kaitlin Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

You Lied!

You lied!
You told me to wait
You said time heals
And leaves no marks.
You lied!
I waited so long
But time did not heal me
I'm still covered in scars.
You lied!
You told me to run to the end of the earth
You said there I'd find answers
And my mind would rest.
You lied!
I ran to the end of the earth
I have no answers, only more questions
My mind worse than before.
You lied!
I thank you for such
Your lies led me wrong
So now I laugh.

You Lied! by Kaitlin Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Consequences of Doing Nothing

When war broke out
and people risked their lives
I stood still
and I did nothing

When my neighbor lost his home
and was living on the streets
I stood still
and I did nothing

When I saw a kid with a gun
on his way to school
I stood still
and I did nothing

When my friend cried out
for someone to help
I stood still
and I did nothing

When a homeless man looked at me
and asked me for my change
I stood still
and I did nothing

When I saw a young man
shooting drugs up his arm
I stood still
and I did nothing

When an old man was working
straining to lift boxes for money
I stood still
and I did nothing

When I saw a man crying
because he could not feed his family
I stood still
and I did nothing

When a nation was screaming
as their government killed them
I stood still
and I did nothing

When I saw a child with bruises
from being abused
I stood still
and I did nothing

When I saw a woman raped
in a dark alley way
I stood still
and I did nothing

When I saw a child crying
because he lost his mommy
I stood still
and I did nothing

When I saw a group of kids
bullying a young boy
I stood still
and I did nothing

When I saw a man stealing
from a defenseless old woman
I stood still
and I did nothing

When I saw a teen on the street
selling drugs to a kid
I stood still
and I did nothing

When I found myself needing help
I cried out
But the world stood still
and they did nothing

Consequences of Doing Nothing by Kaitlin Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Ana & Mia

When Ana rests then you are weak
Your desires strong and then you eat
Then Mia comes and wipes you off your feet
When she speaks it triggers the release
To hide your sin from Ana’s Wrath
But Ana wakes at the sound
She knows what you have done
And so she beats you with hurtful reality
She makes you strong again
Again you are free of sin
Till she goes back to rest again
And you lie in Mia's hands.

Ana & Mia by Kaitlin Tormey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.